Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
