I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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