2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My hand turned me down
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
