Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
