I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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