She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
