best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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