he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
