I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
