Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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