Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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