Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
