Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
