i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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