I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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