He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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