He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
