Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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