you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
