I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
