u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
