I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
