I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
