Already got asked if we're dating
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
