Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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