Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
