I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
