Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
