how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
