New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
