remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
