i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
