what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
