you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
