yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
