It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
