real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
