So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
