Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
