Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
