i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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