if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
