I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
