i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
