I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
