I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
