a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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