I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
