if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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