Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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